If you're going to be a smartass first you have to be smart, otherwise you're just being an ass!
I hate people who say 'Age is just a number'...Age is clearly a word.
I'm jealous of my parents, I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Cashier: Are you buying these? Me: No, I'm going to steal them, I just wanted to show you first.
I hate cripple jokes. I can't stand them.
It's raining outside. I should go update and alert all my friends on Facebook who don't own a window.
I'd kick you in the vagina but I don't wanna lose my shoe.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not.
Having a sarcastic conversation with yourself when people are ignoring you.
